Alice in Wonderland has had various film incarnations over the years. From the classic Disney tale to the 1985 television broadcast that successfully sacred the hell out of me.  It is a story people connect with. The magic and whimsy of a new world. The journey of a young girl growing up right before our eyes. The story is timeless. Every generation could find something to latch onto. That said, the most recent endeavor directed by Tim Burton is one giant mess.

To cap this batch of negativity off, the opening moments of this film were so flat that I could almost hear Burton saying, “Let’s hurry up and get through this people. Then we can get to the fun stuff.” I understand that the opening of this film is not why the audience is going to the picture, but I need something to latch onto. The dialogue and acting was stilted, and one could argue that doesn’t matter in a movie like this. Well… it does to me. So Alice is being forced into marriage and decides to run off, falls into a hole, and we are in Wonderland.

Now, here is a huge problem for me. The world of Wonderland looked like a computer generated world. I never for once felt that any of the characters inhabited the world around them. James Cameron understood how to create a fully realized world with Avatar, but here it seems like a few sets would have really helped out. The design is kind of half ass as well. It seems like Tim Burton is well, being Tim Burton. Stripes and swirls. Trees twisted and leaning. We have seen this all before.

Tim Burton’s Secret Formula

The acting was sub par. Johnny Depp (Filmdogs podcast listeners will know he is my favorite actor) is reduced to jumping around and acting… mad. He does quite a good job switching between two very different accents, and trying to give you a reason to care about this seemingly one note character. Helena Bonham Carter gives the film’s second best performance as the criminally misunderstood Red Queen. I was especially disappointed in the fate of her character, especially coming from Burton. He is supposed to be the ultimate champion for misunderstood loners. Edward Scissorhands would be highly disappointed in him. The worst performance in the film goes to Anne Hathaway as the White Queen. The fact that Tim Burton allows Hathaway to attach to an acting quirk the way she does, is horrible direction. There is a way to be elegant and mystifying, without being drab and wooden.

I had a lot of problems with the ending of the film, as well. The overall message is updated for a more modern female audience, but within the setting and time period of the film it is quite unrealistic. Yes, even for a movie about a Wonderland filled with talking creatures. There are a handful of problems with the film. From muddled action to characters you don’t care about; to the Mad Hatter’s (what will soon become infamous) dance to Alice acting like a little know it all brat to her family upon returning home, but the main problem with the film is … there is no heart. Burton set out to create an aesthetic and that is it. I wanted to care about Alice and her struggles, but I wasn’t given anything to push this emotion along. So unfortunately, I am going to have to say skip this one. It will make buckets of cash and will probably become very popular, but if you really want to visit Wonderland do yourself a favor and rent Walt Disney’s classic 1951 film. I promise it is the better white rabbit to follow.