Piranha 3D delivers on what it promises better than any movie I’ve seen this year. It knows exactly what it is, and what you the audience wants from this type of B picture. I even had to create a special split rating for the movie in light of it’s insanity.  However, you might be thinking you could just watch the equivalent of this film on the SyFy Channel. Well, you are both right and so, so wrong. So here is list of reasons why you should see this movie in theaters, and a list outlining why you should stay as far away as possible. I’ll leave the final choice up to you.

[Spoilers Below]

Reasons to See Piranha 3D

1. If you are a 13 year old boy, or a 13 year old boy at heart this will be your new favorite movie.

See photo below.

It gets better...

2. Cameos by Christopher Lloyd and Richard Dreyfuss.

Dreyfuss even sings “show me the way to go home” from Jaws, and Lloyd is just as crazy as ever.

3. Party Down‘s Adam Scott riding a jet ski and cocking a shotgun with one hand.

Adam Scott, Action Hero.

4. Did I mention Kelly Brooke is naked in this movie?

Yep.

5. The characters.

With a cast like Elisabeth Shue, Ving Rhames, Eli Roth, and comedian Paul Scheer you can’t go wrong. They are all fun, and if they aren’t…well they don’t last long.

6. The plot, there isn’t one.

Something about an earthquake awakening a cannibalistic school of piranhas. I’m down.

7. Jerry O’Connell playing himself, an idiot.

I’m not sure if he’s aware of his douchery, but if he is credit must go to him for a very meta performance.

He dies a very gruesome death, I can promise you.

8. Top notch gore, if you’re into that sort of thing.

Yep.

9. 3D.

It’s still a post conversion, but a realtively well done one. When a drunk spring breaker pukes on the camera you feel it. Also, there are boobies. Big ones. I can’t stress this enough.

10. Clocking in at 90 mins the movie doesn’t wear out its welcome, and is well paced.

Reasons why you should stay out of the water.

1. Jerry O’Connell playing himself, an idiot.

Let's just say the fish take away his manhood.

2. 3D.

One of the better 3D shots.

The image is much dimmer with the 3D glasses. When you factor in the fact that there are lot of murky underwater scenes, the result can be headache inducing.

3. The plot, there isn’t one.

This may be a problem for some movie goers.

4. She died. I was sad.

Why!!!!!????

5. The film leaves itself too open for a sequel.

This trend is starting to get old. Start thinking about the next film when the first is successful. My idea for a Piranha sequel: Kelly Brooke has a twin, who lives and is out for revenge.

Well, there you have it. I hope that gives you some insight into this deep (pardon the pun) motion picture.